


Specular Reflection

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Carlos is a Good husband, M/M, UH some mild warnings for anxiety/panic attacks :O, also there's sea scorpions, and like...normal anxiety/depression stuff :O, cecilos - Freeform, if that's a problem! i guess it's a bit like insect/arachnid fears ;w;, so ye warnings for mostly scientifically accurate depictions of the eurypterid order, which walk on land but that is a true fact about them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: It's been a long, long time since Cecil's actually looked into a mirror. Even if it's safe to do so now, he doesn't quite feel safe.





	Specular Reflection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [logicalDemoness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/logicalDemoness/gifts).



> AH so a few weeks ago my lovely friend logicalDemoness brought up how Cecil can look in mirrors now, since he knows his specific demise wasn't related to mirrors, and I thought it'd be REALLY neat writing that! Because it could be very cathartic and sweet and fun to do in general! owo
> 
> Also, I need to say that sea scorpions (an extinct species) are more closely related to horseshoe crabs than actual scorpions, which is to say, they're their own group of arthropods and not related to true crabs/crustaceans or arachnids.

He’d found out mirrors were safe now, but Cecil still wasn’t used to it yet. Carlos told Cecil he didn’t need to push himself, that he could take as long as he needed to, but Cecil couldn’t help but berate himself over how it was getting close to a week since Cecil found out his demise, specifically, in his own universe, wasn’t wasn’t mirror-linked, and how despite that he still didn’t want to look into them. He supposed, when you live in fear of something for so long, it’s very hard to just get over it, even if you know for a fact that you are safe. Maybe in Night Vale “safety” didn’t carry much meaning, or maybe it was just Cecil’s own anxiety, but…he didn’t feel safe around mirrors, still. Not in the slightest. And it bothered him, more than anything else.

They were having a nice evening out, having gone to a new restaurant that had just opened up, the kind where all of the waiters are sea scorpions and all of the poultry is invisible. Really, they’d mostly gone because Carlos wanted to talk to the sea scorpions, who actually could not talk at all given their lack of vocal cords and relatively pugnacious attitude. 

“I should probably use the bathroom,” said Cecil when they’d given their orders to the waiter, now scuttling away at breakneck speed.

“Um, poot, if you’re worried about the mirrors, because this is a new place,” said Carlos, his face softening, “I can go with you.”

“It’s fine,” said Cecil, smiling and reaching over to squeeze Carlos’ hand for a brief moment, “really. I can go by my myself.”

“Are you gonna—“

“I don’t know,” said Cecil quickly, “I’m sorry for interrupting, Carlos, it’s just that I don’t know if this is the sort of thing I can do. Like. Ever.”

“That’s okay. I’m sorry if you felt like I was pushing you.”

“You weren’t,” said Cecil, lifting up Carlos’ hand to his lips and kissing it gently, “but also, I really do need to go to the bathroom.”

“I’m enjoying the view,” Carlos said after his husband got up. Cecil took a few seconds away from scrambling over ridiculously sized scorpions with a kittenish expression on his face. Carlos propped his head up on one of his hands and winked, which wasn’t a lot, but enough to make Cecil feel the blood rush to his face and linger there. 

Sometimes, he really didn’t know how Carlos could say luck was unscientific and therefore, nonexistent. Cecil couldn’t think of any other way he could have fallen in love with someone like Carlos. Not just because Carlos was handsome and smart and dorky, but because he was always so considerate and supportive.

Of things emotionally, as well as things physically. 

Cecil still found himself blushing in the privacy of a one-stalled bathroom, and decided to let the feeling linger for a while. 

It lasted about as long as it took to quickly relieve himself.

Cecil inhaled sharply before using the sink, took a few seconds to deliberate the possibility of using the mirror this time, decided against it, and turned on the sink while keeping his eyes downcast. 

He didn’t know if he meant to look up and make contact with his own eyes, or if it was just something that happened, out of chance, or if deep down he’d wanted to get this over with already, but it happened, right before he dried his hands. 

Carlos had always told him that images on phones aren’t exactly a direct reflection of what people look like. Something about how phones compress a 3D shape into a 2D one, and how some of how you look is lost in the process. Cecil didn’t know how much of that was actually true, because he never really used mirrors, before this moment. Looking at himself, he noticed a lot of things he’d never noticed before. The bags under his eyes, the gray hairs in a few different places, the way his very long and well styled hair seemed to naturally fold neatly over his shoulders. Cecil smiled, despite his heart rate, despite how terrifying each second was. His breaths came out erratically, and Cecil found himself only capable of looking forward, partially at himself, partially at the fact that he was literally looking into a mirror, at his own reflection. He knew what he looked like, but he felt like he also had _no idea_ what he looked like. His eyes, dark brown behind oval glasses frames that _totally_ needed to be wiped, how did he not notice that, seemed different. Not different in a bad or terrifying way; different in that Cecil never noticed how much they were saying. Carlos had said that Cecil’s eyes were talkative, just like he was, and that was beautiful, and adorable. Cecil never doubted the veracity of Carlos’ compliments, but he didn’t know exactly what Carlos meant, until this moment. And so much else seemed to come to mind, too, with his appearance, and the things people pointed out about it. The way a few stray strands of hair brushed across his face, the way his cheeks met his glasses’ frames, the way a few blemishes peppered his face like plants in a desert landscape. For the first time in a period longer than even Cecil himself seemed to remember, he saw himself, existing. He saw the person everyone else saw, the human being that was _there_ , in front of them, real. It felt so raw, so different, so beautiful…

He gripped his cane for more support, remembering he had to breath.

He was terrified. 

Cecil was still looking at his own reflection when a rancorous banging came from the other side of the bathroom door. Cecil jumped, once scrambling internally to keep his heartbeat from becoming too erratic. There were a million different reasons his door could be being banged on, but the sweet voice of a concerned scientist erased all of those worries.

“Cecil? Poot? Are you alright? I cannot give you an accurate time, because, time’s fake, but I would estimate, scientifically, that it has been about ten minutes since you left and I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” said Cecil, trying to steady his breath, “I got distracted, Carlos, that’s all.”

“Are you okay, though?”

“Always.”

“Okay. I’ll go back to the table, if you need more time.”

“No, I’ll be out in a second, it’s okay.” 

He hurriedly washed his hands, dried them, and opened the door, finding Carlos on the other side of it, gently cradling a sea scorpion in his arms.

“I’m sorry for banging so loudly,” said Carlos, avoiding eye contact and looking at the creature’s many legs, “but when I was knocking normally, you didn’t answer, and it’d been a while since you’d gone to the bathroom and I was worried that something happened. Not mirror-related necessarily. Just bathroom related. Which can involve mirrors yes, but do not always. I always tell people to be safe in the bathroom but that advice can be hard to follow given how relaxed the setting of a bathroom generally is. Which is a ruse, as scientists like to call it, but it’s easy to fall for.”

“It wasn’t any of that,” said Cecil, closing the bathroom door behind him and putting a hand on Carlos’ shoulder. Carlos didn’t respond, but looked up at Cecil and smiled. The sea scorpion made a bizarre rattling noise. They made their way back to the table, which had in the past few minutes been completely scratched up. Fine dining was such a lovely experience. Cecil kept his hand on Carlos’ shoulder. It was grounding, and familiar. Something steady in a tumultuous unsteady sea of something so new and different. Before they sat down, and after the creature in Carlos’ hands grew wings and loudly flew off, Cecil pulled his husband into a hug. His breathing was still uneven, but he calming down well enough. He felt Carlos, in his embrace, hug him back. 

Pulling away, tenderly, Carlos held on to Cecil’s shoulders and looked up at him.

“I hope I didn’t make you feel like you had to look into it. I am sorry if I did. You don’t need to feel like you have to, Ceece.”

“You didn’t,” Cecil said, shaking his head as they sat back down, “it just kind of happened. I wasn’t trying to, exactly, but it ended up happening.”

“Was it terrifying?”

“Very. That’s the only word I think describes it.”

“Are you okay?”

“I am, actually. I’m kind of glad I did. You were right, about the thing about cameras compressing 3D images. It…I look different, in a mirror. And I can see everything way better. I can see why people use them to put on makeup. They probably manage to be way more accurate with where they’re applying eyeshadow.”

“You apply it really well! Better than anyone else without a mirror.”

“Ah, that’s just because I have lots of experience.”

“If you want, Cecil. We can take the covers off of the ones at home. If you want to, I mean.”

“I don’t know, yet. I think this is the thing I need to ease into, first.”

“That’s okay.”

“Thank you, though, Carlos. Really. For everything. Not just this, specifically, but…everything.”

“I love you. You don’t need to thank me for doing things that you always do for someone you love.”

“I’m still grateful.”

“Aww,” Carlos replied, taking Cecil’s hand and squeezing it, “stop.”

Cecil squeezed Carlos’ hand back.

They smiled at each other.

The restaurant was full of rattling and the sound of little arthropod legs on hardwood floors, and then a loud whirring sound from some indiscernible source. 

Oh, yes, fine dining was a _wonderfu_ l experience. 


End file.
